Sry I called you an 8
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize