Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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