HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize