dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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