so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize