two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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