Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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