it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize