He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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