VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
