Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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