my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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