she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
