Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
