just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
