what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He better not be in your backpack
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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