was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
