First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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