I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
