Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
