so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
