No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize