We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
