My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
