I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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