So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
