if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
