He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
