I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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