I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize