i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize