What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
