You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
