My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
