my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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