At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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