honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drake has all the answers
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
