How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
