You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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