just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
