separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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