Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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