I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
