One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I need moral support for this bender
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
