I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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