My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Someone shattered a urinal.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize