where am i from again
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
