I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wear drunk well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
