Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize