i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
