So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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