sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
God, I missed his penis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
