Define "chronic" masturbator.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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