Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
