So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
