Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
