I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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