So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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