I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it glows. i had to have it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
