hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
