Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
