This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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