pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
