it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
