3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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