me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
