my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
