Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
