ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize