Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you win again, gameday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
