i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
