He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
