i think i have two assholes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
