benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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