CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
