and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
