I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
