You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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