Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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