You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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