break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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