Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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