Where are you?
In a non slutty way
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
