and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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