Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are all done wearing pants today
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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