If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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