end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
