you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
