we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
