I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
