I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
