you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
