is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
