It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
